my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
