The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
