are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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