can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
