I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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