In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
