I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
