Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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