i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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