she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
