Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
