i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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