"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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