Your tits are I can't wait for
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
