we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
