just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
