look no pants
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
