I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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