if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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