GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
