I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cannot find my penis.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
