in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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