he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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