Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize