There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
