Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
