He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize