it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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