Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize