She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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