So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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