Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
