I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
