The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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