I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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