So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
