I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
