Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
