Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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