i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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