i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
