It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
