somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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