just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
