i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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