This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
