I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
