i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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