Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
