mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
