Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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