I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
