saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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