Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
