its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They have beer where we have blood.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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