ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
