we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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