period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
