so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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