Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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