rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
