i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
