After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm having to shit out rocks
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
