i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
