So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
