Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
