this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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