I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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